Reflecting the Qualifications of Marriage

I don’t get into my personal life too much on here, but being a single man is a component of my spiritual journey with God. Today I found myself reflecting on meeting the qualifications of marriage.

What I mean by reflecting the qualifications of marriage is am I growing to the standards of a husband? Also something else I think about, is any woman I’m communicating with striving to reflect the qualities of a wife? All things worth considering if we do so happen to get married to someone one day. And really, this is good for those of you who are already married to ponder again.

Husband and Wife Qualities

I broke down the character qualities that appear to be conveyed in the passages in Ephesians 5, 1 Peter 3, and Proverbs 31.

Husband: Loving like Christ through selflessness, nourishing and cherishing the wife, being understanding of the wife, honoring the wife.

Wife: Subject to husbands like the Church was to Christ (which means being respectful and purely conducting of yourself towards the husband as 1 Peter 3:1-2 seems to explain), being gentle and quiet in Spirit, (which according to the Greek of these two words, this seems to mean being humble and peaceable), trustworthy, doing good to the husband, helpful to the household, strong, dignified, positive, wise, kind, praiseworthy, God fearing.


Thinking about my past interests and communications with women, I don’t think I took these things into consideration as much as I should have. Frankly, I was more focused on whether I was physically attracted (which that’s fine from the examples we have in scripture) and if the woman was intriguing to me. But I will be taking these qualities into consideration more fervently from now on. I’ll also be making sure that I’m growing in my selflessness, my exercising of nourishing and cherishing someone, being understanding of someone, and honoring someone.

How much have you reflected on these things?

Peace to all who are in Christ.


17 thoughts on “Reflecting the Qualifications of Marriage

  1. I remember reading a blogger who was insistent that his future wife be a Disney fan. I asked him that if he met a woman who passes every qualification, except she preferred Pixar or Dreamworks, would that be enough to not pursue a relationship. And he answered no, it was a forgivable difference. Sometimes I think these Biblical Marriage Qualifications pose the same sort of stumbling blocks – let’s say you met someone who just about covered it – but she was vivacious, a bit loud, and just bubbly. Because she’s not quiet and might be fairly forthcoming with her opinions – is that enough reason to fail her as passing the wife test?

    • Hi Jamie. Thanks for your comment. I think the key is understanding the meaning of the Greek word used for quiet in 1 Peter 3:4. The Greek word is hēsychios, which has the meanings of peaceable or tranquil. You can check it out for yourself at this link. (

      It doesn’t necessarily mean a woman can’t have a loud side or a vivacious side or be bubbly or have opinions. It just means she should strive not to cause conflict in her marriage, which all of us as Christians (men and women) are seemingly guided to be that way in verses that instruct us to put away anger, malice, slander, abusive speech (Eph 4:31, Col 3:8). That the fruits of the spirit we are all to reflect are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

      We might not have all these characteristics of husbands and wives exhibited perfectly in our current state, but the important thing is that we’re actively striving to practice these qualities before and during marriage, and that the people we are engaging in potential situations that could lead to marriage know that these are qualities they need to strive up to as well.

      And in striving to exhibit all these characteristics we can hopefully all have healthy marriages that last us for the rest of our lives.

      Peace to you in Christ.

  2. This was amazing! As a young single woman I have been struggling with the very same things. I’ve also been studying Proverbs 31 and have found some rather powerful things. Thank you so much for sharing. God Bless you.

    • Hi godtruthsnz. Thanks for your comment. It can definitely be a struggle for all of us at times. Thankfully there have been many before us who’ve been down this road and made things work. So God willing surely we can too.

      Peace to you in Christ. 🙂

  3. Marriage is a gift from God filled with so many things. Love, at times not so much, like, at times not so much, anger, at times not so much and the list goes on and on. It is always about living with one another’s faults and virtues. There are times one has to stay quiet and that can be hard, and there are times one has to speak, and that cannot also be hard, especially when you have to say something not so nice. The most important thing always is having one another’s back, in all things, regardless.

    One time my husband and I got into an arguemnet and I just looked at him and said, “Do not talk to God’s daughter that way.” He was speechless and the arguement stopped. Sometimes our response can be the reason for the continuation of an arguement or the stopping of it.

    The most important thing in any marriage and the most important thing to look for in a spouse, “Is do they want to keep God in the center of it.” “Do I want to keep God in the center of it?” “Do we want to keep God in the center of it?” If the answer to all three is “yes,” you have your mate. God Bless, SR

    • Hi SR. Thanks for your comment. Indeed, inevitably mistakes will be made and moments of anger can occur between two people if you’re around each other long enough. The commitment to each other to move forward for one another through all conflict is definitely important. I’m glad in that moment with your husband the arguing was able to stop. Exactly. Perhaps essentially in following these instructions of husbands and wives in scripture those are the foundational questions being answered, whether two people will make their marriage centered around God.

      Peace to you in Christ.

  4. Typo did not mean to say, that cannot also be hard. I meant to say that can also be hard. Gees, you read and read and miss them all the time! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s